Posts Tagged ‘Orlando Bloom’

MORNING AFTER: New Yawn, I Meh You

Thursday, November 5th, 2009

Get it.  I was unimpressed.

When I posted the trailer for ‘New York, I Love You’ I was anything but confident about the final result.  And sure enough, this thing fell flat.  But beyond my predictions that it would be too sappy and aren’t-we-all-connected-you-know-what-I-love-about-New-York-y, it was also labored, clunky and eye-roll-y.

I could use a thesaurus right about now, can A.O. Scott lend me his?

What am I saying?  I’m saying it rarely worked and I didn’t appreciate the tinkerings with the format.  ‘Paris, Je t’aime‘ gave a simple assignment – set it in Paris.  ‘New York, I Love You’ was like, set it in New York, make sure it’s about love, connect to another character in another short film, please include a major gimmick… This is just a guess, I wasn’t at the meeting… And I think it got bogged down by all of that.  There were mini scenes in between the shorts with characters colliding, and I just feel like this effort to connect everyone – this guy shares a cab with this guy who had sex with this chick who uses this dry cleaner also used by that first guy – just made you wonder, ok, why?  WHERE IS THE MAGIC?!  The fact that the kid who lost his virginity to the actress and the woman who slept with Bradley Cooper have the same pharmacist doesn’t really matter to me unless there’s a point.  It’s distracting OK?

Last gripey comment – they did not include the director in credits before or after the individual films, they did a full scroll at the very end.  This was, in a word, ANNOYING.  Maybe it’s just me and my nerd I-wish-I-were-Rain-Man sensibility but all I could do was try and remember what I read, who directed what, who was in each one, which one the reviewer liked and so on…  The short with Orlando Bloom had a mystery woman on the other end of a phone call for basically the whole thing.  I could not relax and watch until I had figured it out, until I was like ‘Aha!  Christina Ricci!!’  Then I’m like “Wait, so who was she to him again?”  This is a problem I have, and it was seriously aggravated by their withholding.

Final thought- this thing HAD to have been financed by big tobacco.  New Smoke, I Inhale You?  Everyone was smokin’ it up and I get that as a conversation starting device, but really…

For the record, cause duh it’s basically a competition, Allen Hughes gets the prize with Bradley Cooper and Drea DeMatteo as two strangers who find themselves in an unlikely romance – it was attractive, relatable and included nudity.  So give them the trophy.

Look what I found!  Big old pat on my back for remembering Alexander Payne directed my fave from ‘Paris, Je t’aime‘:

Oh man.  I pretty much laugh/cry throughout that whole thing.  From her walking outfit to her sighs…

MIXED SIGNALS: ‘Pirates’ franchise in disarray

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

Pirates

Orlando and Keira in ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ – we could totally live without you two.

So I was attracted to this article on the Hollywood Reporter webby because of Johnny Depp. Of course. However, I kept reading because all of the discussion over the Pirates franchise. According to the article, we’re looking at a new director, a lower budget and, likely, no Orlando or Keira. Okay, that last part I could totally live with.

But seriously!? What? Did At World’s End not put enough cash in the bank? Not enough licensed merchandise? Hardly. Disney? Answers please.