FETUS: ‘Heathers’ on TV. It’s kind of like teen suicide. DON’T DO IT.
Thursday, August 27th, 2009It wasn’t too long ago that they had talked about an updated movie with Wino Forever herself. Bad idea then, worse idea now. TV??? Um, NO, and in such a ‘duh’ way.

Too bad that skirt is in style right now.
Variety reports:
The dark comedy will be adapted for TV by scribe Mark Rizzo, with an assist from “Sex and the City” alum Jenny Bicks. Sony Pictures TV, where Bicks is based, will produce, along with Lakeshore Entertainment, which holds the rights to “Heathers.”
Rizzo is still kicking around ideas on how to update “Heathers” 20 years after the film became a favorite among the underground set.
Who are these people, can we trust them?
Rizzo is onboard to write and exec produce, while Bicks is a nonwriting exec producer. Lucchesi and Lakeshore’s Tom Rosenberg will also exec produce.
Rizzo’s credits include the pilot “Zip,” which was developed twice at NBC, while Bicks is also known for “Men in Trees” and “Leap of Faith” and has also been adapting “Washingtonienne” for HBO.
Oh, so, nobodies, and no we can’t.
I could count the many ways I think this will go wrong, but mainly, there’s no way to adapt this for TV without going soft. If they keep J.D. (Christian Slater’s character) as sexy and dangerous as the movie version, they will quickly run out of people to kill. BOR-ING. I dare them to recreate, hell AIR lines like when a Heather says, ‘Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?’ or ‘Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?’ or of course ‘Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?’ And also, the time period. This movie is beyond 80′s, and what other time period has been more impossible for TV? Answer: none. Think ‘That 80′s Show’ or the ‘Gossip Girl’ spinoff. And so then would they update it?
And would Veronica’s ‘Dear Diary’s become blog entries ‘The one in which I…’???
And where would they even FIND a monocle?????
Ok. Stopping. And this is all speculation, I’ll officially riot when they officially ruin this. In the year of ’97 I dressed up as a ‘Heather’ for Halloween. A simple costume- pleated skirt, croquet mallet, and curled hair, but one I am most proud of.
I think I will have to resurrect that this year. Cause I just fear if they have their way, and this makes it onto the Fox network, the cool will be killed out of this movie faster than you could pour a mug full of liquid drainer.