It wasn’t too long ago that they had talked about an updated movie with Wino Forever herself.  Bad idea then, worse idea now.  TV???  Um, NO, and in such a ‘duh’ way.

Too bad that skirt is in style right now.

Variety reports:

The dark comedy will be adapted for TV by scribe Mark Rizzo, with an assist from “Sex and the City” alum Jenny Bicks. Sony Pictures TV, where Bicks is based, will produce, along with Lakeshore Entertainment, which holds the rights to “Heathers.”

Rizzo is still kicking around ideas on how to update “Heathers” 20 years after the film became a favorite among the underground set.

Who are these people, can we trust them?

Rizzo is onboard to write and exec produce, while Bicks is a nonwriting exec producer. Lucchesi and Lakeshore’s Tom Rosenberg will also exec produce.

Rizzo’s credits include the pilot “Zip,” which was developed twice at NBC, while Bicks is also known for “Men in Trees” and “Leap of Faith” and has also been adapting “Washingtonienne” for HBO.

Oh, so, nobodies, and no we can’t.

I could count the many ways I think this will go wrong, but mainly, there’s no way to adapt this for TV without going soft.  If they keep J.D. (Christian Slater’s character) as sexy and dangerous as the movie version, they will quickly run out of people to kill.  BOR-ING. I dare them to recreate, hell AIR lines like when a Heather says, ‘Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?’ or ‘Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?’ or of course ‘Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?’  And also, the time period.  This movie is beyond 80′s, and what other time period has been more impossible for TV?  Answer: none.  Think ‘That 80′s Show’ or the ‘Gossip Girl’ spinoff.  And so then would they update it?

And would Veronica’s ‘Dear Diary’s become blog entries ‘The one in which I…’???

And where would they even FIND a monocle?????

Ok.  Stopping.  And this is all speculation, I’ll officially riot when they officially ruin this.  In the year of ’97 I dressed up as a ‘Heather’ for Halloween.  A simple costume- pleated skirt, croquet mallet, and curled hair, but one I am most proud of.

I think I will have to resurrect that this year.  Cause I just fear if they have their way, and this makes it onto the Fox network, the cool will be killed out of this movie faster than you could pour a mug full of liquid drainer.

There’s word going around about an ‘Atlas Shrugged’ movie adaption.  I’m incredulous.

Charlize Theron has been meeting with Lionsgate and some producers about starring as the main broad, thus giving the project some buzz.  Ummmm, ok.  I started to read this book many years ago, but didn’t finish.  I imagine I wasn’t the only one whose little college freshman brain was kind of blown away by ‘The Fountainhead’ and wanted to keep living in Ayn Rand’s  intriguing philoso-land (goooooo capitalism!), so then moved on to the bigger sister ‘Atlas Shrugged.’

Except, while ‘The Fountainhead’ was the beautiful, intriguing, mysterious and fleeting one, ‘Atlas’ was of the same family, twins even, but fat.  And boring.  ‘Fountainhead’ was about architecture… ‘Atlas’ – railroads.  Railroads are not sexy.  I officially gave up on the novel after Dagny and whatever dude are searching around and they get all excited about finding a magnificent … engine.

Hey, maybe it gets better, so what, I’m a quitter….

Ryan Reynolds would play Atlas, obv…

I’d probably watch whatever gets put out, but I really think that they (movie whomevers) should make a new ‘Fountainhead.’ It’s been done, sure, but that was a looooong time ago.  How long ago?

Don’t you think this could use a refresher?

Who do you see as Howard Roark, Justin Timberlake or Bradley Cooper???

Sometimes it’s okay to give up. Especially now, when yet another attempt at Ninja Turtle-dom is in the works. According to an article in Variety, John Fusco (Young Guns, Hidalgo) is to write the Turtles back to life in a live-action adaptation of the popular 90s cartoon. You heard that right folks, adult men in turtle latex eating pizza and saything things like ‘cowabunga.’ Oh yay.

Darren Aronofsky, in a warm post-’The Wrestler’ glow, is in the news today for scoring financing for a supernatural ballet thriller ‘Black Swan’ – sounds cool, no?  Natalie Portman is in talks to star.  Which after her ‘Thor’ attachment news begs the question, what did this bitch do in her former life that was so right?

Problem is!  Aronofsky is already working on a reboot of ‘Robocop’ for MGM.

Remember me??

Hmm, that sounds good too….

MGM might shop around for new directors, or they could just wait for Darren to become available, cause as the Risky Biz blog I’m stealing all my info from states:

MGM has been cautious about the number of movies it’s releasing, and is concentrating at the moment on projects such as the 80′s reboot “Red Dawn,” the male-centric comedy “Hot Tub Time Machine,” and a “Poltergeist” reboot.

MGM is also behind the new ‘Fame’ coming out this summer.  MGM!  THAT IS A LOT OF REBOOTS!!!

And it’s kind of funny actually to think of a Robocop reboot.  Cause he’s like a robot.  And they should be rebooted.  It’s in their nature.

Digression.

Anyhoo, I hope Aronofsky can fit both movies into his sched.  Cause he’s the coolest, and that’s a big fat duh.